I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
