Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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