Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
