Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
