I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Damn victory sex feels great
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
