Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
