just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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