i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
