saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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