Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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