I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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