i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
