butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
