when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
