i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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