You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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