I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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