Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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