we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
