That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
