Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
