that's an acceptable place to lick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
