so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
