his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
