Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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