Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
