You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
