it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
