i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
please don't ironically join a cult
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