dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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