You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
