I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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