I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
