You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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