Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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