I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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