Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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