david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
