I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Randomize
