gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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