I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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