i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
