As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
