I puked a lego.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
