Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.