Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
