Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.