soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.