its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
