I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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