The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
