NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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