I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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