And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm like, not good at living.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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