I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
