she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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