Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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