just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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