the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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