All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
