You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
