I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
