They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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