the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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