True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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