Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
