how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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