I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
