Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
