is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
