All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
