Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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