i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just cropdusted the office
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize