I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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