I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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