wanna go halves on a baby?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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