I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
