if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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