she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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