i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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